Day Off

If I were like katie my day off would be full of pictures and i did take two of my delicious cookies...on my phone and i have no idea how to get them here...well, i thought i had two pictures - turns out I only have 1. Oh well, i should get the camera and try with that. Considering i still need to download pictures that might make a good thing to finish with this rainy cold day!



I got my pictures downloaded! I hope I can find the recipe for the cookies- I think there are 3 left after 2 hours...

Here's a picture from the first day of school

good night

Never mind.

I've been thinking too much.

I do wonder why people don't think more about what their actions or non actions mean for the people around them. Tonight i was asked about dinner and told how hungry she was, yet when i suggested she help by getting the meat out of the freezer and wash the necessary pans she was too busy. I guess her time is more valuable than mine? And they wonder why i seem to be on strike.

I do believe you don't want to share me. Our time is very singular and in those spaces you don't have to share me with anyone. The reality of it is that we all share each other all the time and eventually this will not work. I am tired of being a secret. I'm tired of worrying about discovery. Friends don't have to worry about such things. Friends just are. I am not yours alone, I am not yours at all. I may want to share a part of my life with you but i'm tired of it being in pieces and tired of it being such a secret.

Sometimes i think it is the secret and the mystery of it that makes you want it. I am really an ordinary person with an ordinary life. Not so special.

I know you are just you. I like how you listen to me - when you can. I like that you seem to know how to make me laugh. You know how to give me encouragement. I like that you care what happens to me.

We are worthy of each other but we don't belong together at this point. I'd like to believe that maybe one day things will be different but tonight and now they aren't. My hope of change is fading.

Take a chance. Risk just a little more of yourself. Show me that your words meant something. That they weren't just words.

Good night. Time to run to the store to pick up the phone charger and see my child.
Wish I had a solution to that puzzle as well.

Aruba 2009

It was a quiet trip. Relaxing - sun, sand, more sun...

Did you miss me?

So after like two months I'm back. And I'm not sure I have much to say. The news for today is that I ran a mile! Yes, a whole mile. It has only taken me what 3 months of running almost every day to get there? I might make my goal of running from one end of the Harbor to the Marina...or not since it is more like 2 miles. I'm still excited though.

Well, I will try to write more tomorrow and I will check to see if I have access to any of the photos taken in Aruba.

More news...I bought a two piece for Aruba and wore it! I even felt almost sexy in it...I hope there is a picture somewhere so you can see it.

well, anyway, it's time to walk the dog and add a 4th mile to my walk/run log. I think it's raining!

Ok, this is not from Aruba but I loved the dog and Tim's face. I hope you like it.

more running

I'm not doing too badly at this running. It's easier without the dog but since I have to be out with him anyway, I just drag him along.

Question for today: why is it that the first thing I notice about exercise is that it makes me hungry???? It's like just as soon as I start doing something more active I'm suddenly STARVING and I can't seem to resist eating anything and everything. I guess I give myself permission to eat that cookie or have a snack because I did whatever...I guess if I eat healthy stuff maybe it won't be so bad.

So I try to run some every time I walk the dog - still usually only downhill - maybe next week I'll work on the uphill...if my knees don't give out.

Running

So I took today off to use some of my extra time - I have to have my hours down below 40 before the end of June so I don't lose them...AND Colleen has to go to court. I really hope we can find the building and she gets the points for the ticket removed. Other than that, I have no plans. I want to wash sheets (there's an exciting thing to do on my day off). Run a little...and just try to relax. I had been taking stuff for anxiety and didn't realize that it was probably helping with my mood...but the Rx ran out and I don't go to the doctor until April and I was lazy. I really hate taking ANYTHING on a daily basis - it's hard enough to take my blood pressure meds but they sort of scared me into doing that - and i've had so many fewer headaches that i'm pretty sure I need to take it...Since i've stopped the other though i find it hard to deal with my kids being kids...hence the decision to try to run again. My goal is to be able to run around the Harbor this summer....I figure if i work up to being able to run up some of the hills in my neighborhood I should be able to do the harbor. This is something I've wanted to do for a long time. Not sure why. I just am so envious of people who can run. I've never had the ability to run for very long - it took me years to build up to run for 15 minutes at a time on a treadmill where I could watch the time. Running outside is still a HUGE challenge for me. So I'm taking it slow and aiming to run down all the hills and keep the pace slow enough for the little ups...I did pretty well the other night - still feel silly when i go by people, i am totally aware that i look very silly when i run. No form at all. So since it's almost 8 and i have to get Colleen at 9...I need to just do it!

visiting home

I can't believe the house looks so small. It always felt plenty big enough while I was growing up.

This is another view, coming up from the driveway. I sort of miss the roses and other bushes. Maybe there are flowers in front in the spring though. I will have to see next trip.

This is a random tree in the neighborhood. I've never seen or heard of putting a face in a tree...although maybe since Lord of the Rings they've gotten popular. Sort of remind me of what an Ent must look like.

And no journey home would be complete without a shot of the school...of course it was different 30 years ago too. I should have taken a picture of an angle that would be more familiar to those of us that hung out there in the 60's & 70's. Or maybe take pictures of more of the changes.