Almost Christmas

Time to try to put pictures back on my blog...I got some pics when in DC last weekend. Wish I was there today because more family is in town and I only have a little time there again this weekend.

Here's Sarah & Kaylie!




Here I am with Steve!



Here's Grandma Thea and Mikey...Isn't he CUTE???

Wrapping Gifts for a Cause

So yesterday sarah and i went up to the local outlet mall to wrap gifts to raise money for ACS - Relay for Life. We had 4 people stop in (one i dragged in from the bench outside our door) in the 3+ hours we were there...BUT the people that came in were incredibly generous....so now if Sarah can get $5 more dollars she will qualify for a t-shirt...and I still have to do my own fundraising but it is a little easier for me. well, i can drop into branches and see if i can get people to give me $5 a shot. that worked for me last year...

Today needs to be spent getting my own holiday decorating and presents on their way...

It was a nice experience although i had hopes for more people both wrapping and coming in to wrap.

Off to work on Christmas for us now.

Another Saturday Night

So tonight I'm meeting Moe for drinks and possibly dancing...not sure what all. But it will fun to hang out with her. We keep talking about getting together but it never seems to work out. Makes we wonder if I should have stayed up so late last night...

So the undercurrent of drama just keeps on flowing by. I wonder if I should try to find out more about it.

Last night was fun. I love hanging out with Marie and Rachel...gosh, I wish i knew where my camera charger was...in fact, i'm not even sure where the camera is...I have to find it before Christmas....we HAVE to have new pictures at Christmas.


Hope everyone's Thanksgiving was great!!!!

I wish I could help

Why is it that the thoughts one has at 1 AM disappear when the morning comes? I had a poem to write last night but now i can't find it.

I wish i could convince you that most of what you feel is normal. That you can't continue to blame everything on what you aren't. That life is just hard most of the time. Yes, I know it looks like it is easy for so many others but EVERYONE, i repeat EVERYONE has their own issues and lives in their own hell. it is what you do with it that matters.

I wish i could get you outside of yourself. Get you to see that you can make different choices and that we all miss someone. There are times when we all want to run away and be someone else. I tried to tell you. I don't know if you heard me.

I wish i could help you find a way to be yourself and stop worrying about what others think. It is hard when the one you want doesn't want you or can't be with you for WHATEVER reason. But you have to keep going.

You can't threaten to harm yourself every time you get found out. Sometimes change is good. Sometimes it is better to be the one to say good bye and to walk away. We alll have secrets...no one will ever know all the thoughts in your head (you won't even know them all).

I love you. Be kind to yourself and those around you.

Thanksgiving already?

Where did the fall go? I can't believe it's almost December. I haven't started shopping for Christmas yet but for the first time in years I am sort of looking forward to it all. In the meantime though...I've quit Kohl's and started my part time stuff at the bank. I am looking forward to seeing what my paycheck will look like this week too. Doesn't help that i have a HUGE bill from my car and getting Tim new clothes...

So i need to find the cord to my camera to load all my pictures again...to fix my computer Royce had to wipe the hard drive and we lost everything...and my camera need charging so i have no idea where i'm going to find them.

Nothing else is new...

Did you miss me?

Why is it that when Royce's computer is down he spends hours and hours and hours on my computer until he gets his back up and running but then when MY computer goes down he lets it sit for TWO months???? He has worked on it sporadically and is pretty sure we need a new operating system but has he gone and gotten it? NO. He even told me he was going to do it last weekend but that didn't happen. I was at work both days (and a party one night) so i wasn't around to ask him about it but really, what kind of birthday gift was it to only last 4 months? AND it was probably his programs that caused the problems in the first place. I love how he blames Tim when the computer is down and Tim blames him...

I don't care what went wrong and who did what, I just want my computer back. I miss playing with pictures and writing something on a semi regular basis.

So today is Veterans Day. Hug one for me because I LOVE this random day off. I got to go to the doctor without worrying about the time and i can go to the dentist without leaving early (and worrying about time). I am doing sheets (don't ask how long it has been TOO embarassing) and I hope to have lunch with a friend in a minute. I also need to buy sheets because Sarah's was ripped and we don't have any other double bed sheets in the house.

So Saturday is my last day at Kohl's. I will try to talk more about that once I'm really done. 5 1/2 years of part time labot...more fun than not but it had it's ups and downs.

Time to run and bring the dog in. And run to have lunch with Moe.

Later maybe...i want to make Lasagne so I need to get food.

Random thoughts

i've been thinking about how boring happiness can be and how misery and unrequited love and broken hearts seem to give us so much more to write about. Think about music and songs, there are so many more songs about breaking up, or wishing someone would like them or getting even for being jilted than the happy we're engaged and getting married and living happily ever after songs. When I'm hurting or sad or wishing things were different I seem to have so much more to say. The words seem to flow in a more fluid way.

People have been asking me about Sven. In many ways, Sven is not a real person, he's more of a composite of many. He can be anyone I need him to be. Sometimes I do have a specific person in mind when I write a poem but other times I don't. I put older poems up that were written before I came up with the idea of Sven as well. I worry that someone will take Sven too seriously, which would be a mistake. Sven is a friend that I love dearly. Sven is my husband. Sven is the boy that got away, the one I wish I had taken more seriously. Sven is the one who broke my heart and the one who mended it. I miss him, I see him all the time, I have never met him. I bought a card one time that had a picture of someone coming around a corner...I don't remember exactly what it said other than it had to do with hoping that one day I would come around the corner and run into the person the card is for. That would be Sven. In my mind he is perfect, I know that isn't possible.

And now before I pick up the Twilight Series again and read all night...I am heading for bed.