good night

Never mind.

I've been thinking too much.

I do wonder why people don't think more about what their actions or non actions mean for the people around them. Tonight i was asked about dinner and told how hungry she was, yet when i suggested she help by getting the meat out of the freezer and wash the necessary pans she was too busy. I guess her time is more valuable than mine? And they wonder why i seem to be on strike.

I do believe you don't want to share me. Our time is very singular and in those spaces you don't have to share me with anyone. The reality of it is that we all share each other all the time and eventually this will not work. I am tired of being a secret. I'm tired of worrying about discovery. Friends don't have to worry about such things. Friends just are. I am not yours alone, I am not yours at all. I may want to share a part of my life with you but i'm tired of it being in pieces and tired of it being such a secret.

Sometimes i think it is the secret and the mystery of it that makes you want it. I am really an ordinary person with an ordinary life. Not so special.

I know you are just you. I like how you listen to me - when you can. I like that you seem to know how to make me laugh. You know how to give me encouragement. I like that you care what happens to me.

We are worthy of each other but we don't belong together at this point. I'd like to believe that maybe one day things will be different but tonight and now they aren't. My hope of change is fading.

Take a chance. Risk just a little more of yourself. Show me that your words meant something. That they weren't just words.

Good night. Time to run to the store to pick up the phone charger and see my child.
Wish I had a solution to that puzzle as well.