Noisy dogs on Sunday afternoon

First I need to apologize for not getting any pictures of my hair out there for you all - it seems the power cord to my mac has had better days and no one is around to take a picture anyway. I am hoping to get an iPad when they come out and to keep it just for me! somehow the things I get don't stay mine. sometimes I get sad/mad/frustrated about it - other times it's ok.

I was thinking this morning how my house is a metaphor for my relationship with Royce. There are so many things that need maintenance and no one working on them that it is sort of falling apart around us. I feel paralyzed by this when I work up the energy to care - most of the time I just try to close my eyes and keep moving. I worry though because he doesn't seem to see the wreckage of our relationship - I know I'm good at hiding it - but really...I discovered three houses ago that Royce is not big on maintenance - I've only recently discovered that this lack of taking care of things extends to other areas of his life as well. I think before he thought he could just make enough money to buy new when his belongings wore out - and he really doesn't care about taking care of his things...

It's sad really because I think he'd like to keep connected and just doesn't know how and lately I just seem to be going through the motions. I want more but I'm not sure of what.

I'd really like to feel differently and wonder where my feelings went. Years of suppressed anger maybe?

Oh well, people must be out in their back yards because the dogs are going nuts. I need to finish laundry and think about making chicken soup for dinner.

And find a better way to put these thoughts into words...I hate it when it starts flowing and I don't write it down and then when I do it looks different and goes elsewhere.