thoughts

I have the urge to send a random text.  To see if it gets answered.  To learn if the wall of silence extends that far.  To find out if we can truly be friends.  

I'm not sure why I don't send it.  It's a simple enough thing.  Maybe because I don't want to be the first one to send one.  Maybe because I want to be right and be able to claim that you didn't keep in touch.  Maybe because I want to stay free from that addiction.  

A part of me longs to know how the new fan club is growing, but I don't want to be a part of it.  I wanted to believe I was special, it hurts to know that was all an illusion.

Part of me wants to shout a warning to an old friend.  But I'm pretty sure they won't listen.  I worry that your magic will sear her as well, but hope to be wrong.  I worry about the scars you leave behind.  I worry about the day you walk away from that strange addiction she holds for you...I worry that you are toying with her much as you toy with everyone.  I'd like to be wrong but your need to be wanted that way is as large as your ego.  

In some ways I feel like being petty and thanking you for taking over the role I used to fill.  What will they do when you tire of it?  I won't go back to it.  

Oh well, I wonder how the weekend will go.  How awkward will it be?  Will anyone notice?  I hope I can keep my feelings from showing.

I fear this curiosity will get the best of me and I will give into temptation.  It's like going by a wreck and slowing down to gawk.  I don't know why, but I just want to know.  

I can't decide what I miss, which I miss more.  Do I even really miss any of it?  Part of me doesn't care, part of me wants to strangle them both.  Perhaps it was the abruptness of the entire thing.